wanna go halves on a baby?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
