booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
