Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
