I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
