we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
