I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
