a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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