my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
