brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I wish life had little blips of pornography
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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