Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
