Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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