you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
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