I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
