No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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