Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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