69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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