Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
