Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Couch. On fire.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
