In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
