did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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