they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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