Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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