What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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