Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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