The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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