Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
