You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
