We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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