if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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