i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
