just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
