The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
