She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
