I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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