around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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