Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
