Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
