I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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