Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
