Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
