matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
whose ass print is on the piano?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
