And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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