6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
