You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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