honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
