I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
