so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
