I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
