I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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