Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Randomize
