we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
