I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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