I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
