My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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